Maria,
Do not kill yourself. It is very sad that it is so hard for me to meet the expectations of your family and your community. The USA and the West are the guiltiest for that. I should not betray my country which is The Soviet Union or The Soviet Ukraine; this is my first priority in my life.
I am very sick; I do not have money even to eat properly. Do not contact Willem. I hope Willem will not contact us because if Willem offers me a job it will be painful for me to reject this offer. I need to be in Ukraine: I need to attend the court hearings in Ukraine; I need to protest against the USA, NATO, and the West in Ukraine. I will always try to support you emotionally if you need my emotional support; the best support I can provide to you could be if I am in Ukraine. I still think that you should forget me and live you own life. If you insist, I will try to visit Indonesia to see your parents but it will be very difficult for me and it will cost a lot of money for you. It may be wise for me to stay in Ukraine while my sister and her family are away from my city because I need to try to have advantage of rest while the apartment is empty and when the house is almost empty. It may be better for me to leave Ukraine while my sister and her family in my city, it is much harder to relax while a lot of people are in the apartment and in the house, for me relaxation is extremely important. I hope that you can come to Ukraine around July of 2010, we stay in Ukraine for a few months, after that we may be able to go to Indonesia but I prefer to go to Indonesia in approximately the year of 2011 or the year of 2012 because at around this time I expect my sister and her family to come back to my city. In any case it is important not to rush in making the decision to make the best decision. Make sure your parents live long lives so that there is higher probability for them to meet me. Try to relax very well during the Easter break. You community and/or Willem may eventually know about me through the Internet and you community and/or Willem may not need me to come o Indonesia after getting enough information about me. I am in conflict with the Lutheran church as well as with many protestant churches. I have not found a job in Indonesia. I do not have enough money to go to Indonesia. I cannot hear you properly through the telephone, you and I do not know English language properly to communicate well.
Love,
Michael